The Man & The Hemmoroid

Google Image Result for http://www.conhugeco.org/junk/roid4.jpg

Good lord, this man took pictures of his hemorrhoid plagued anus....they're a site to be reckoned with that's for sure!

posted by JRR on Portal of Evil

"Hey, who wants to see pictures of MY HORRIBLY MUTILATED ANUS? jrr 12/15/03, 22:31
(None of the images linked here are work safe, unless you work in a hospital, or possibly hell.)I have to show someone these pictures – the subject has been a pain the ass for weeks (LOL FART), but my friends don’t even want to hear the slightest detail, and though my mom wants to know I’m okay, she doesn’t want to see close-ups of my ass blood (we’re a very conservative sort of family in that regard). However, when you think "disgusting images of things that can go horribly wrong with the human body," you think Portal of Evil!I took them in case something unfortunate happened and I needed to sue my doctor - thankfully not needed yet. They’re pretty damn gross, but not reaching the level of Rotten.com.-=-=-=-=-=-My backside had been itching quite a bit during the week before Thanksgiving. Giving it an extra scrubbing in the shower didn’t do any good, and the irritation got steadily worse. Finally, that Friday I dropped trou in front of the mirror, looked over my shoulder and saw…Image 1 (the first three pictures were taken right after a bowel movement, so they tend to have little bits of poo present.)"Hi, JRR! I’m Harry the Hateful Hemorrhoid, and I’m here to make your life miserable!"One trip to my HMO-approved doctor later, I was told that, yes, it was a hemorrhoid, yes, lots of people my age get them (especially when they sit in front of a computer all day) and no, there was no need to operate. All I needed was a full battery of Preparation H-brand products: creams, oils and… suppositories. Have you ever had to stick a suppository up your ass? If not, your life isn’t that bad. (More importantly, has anyone found a suppository fetish site? I’ve seen tampon and enema fetish sites…)And so, three times a day for the next week, I smeared goop on and shoved little white tubes up my ass. I wish I was doing it for fun, because it sure didn’t help the roid:Image 2Ouch. OUCH. What was once a minor irritation now felt like a clothespin covered with Tobasco sauce had been clamped directly on my asshole - and the smell of Tobasco had attracted ants.ANGRY ants.Another doctor appointment was made for the next day, but by that morning things had become serious:Image 3Take a ripe green grape and place it between your butcheeks. Now pick up a red-hot poker and STAB STAB STAB yourself in the anus. This is what your should do to distract yourself from the pain of a thrombosed hemorrhoid.That’s what the doc diagnosed - Thrombosed Hemorrhoids. This meant that a blood clot had formed in the roid, and that surgery had to be done. Whee. As a nurse held my cheeks apart, the doc repeatedly stabbed me DIRECTLY IN THE ANAL SPHINCTER with a needle full of anaesthetic. It worked amazingly well, as I didn’t feel a thing later when he rooted around my backside and pulled out "two blood clots the size of acorns."Then the doctor said the second most horrifying thing a doctor can say ("Oops!" being the first)."Becky, how do you stop all this bleeding? My regular nurse usually does it for me."......I do NOT want my death certificate to list the cause of death as "anal hemorrhage."Becky somehow stopped the flow, slapped a wad of gauze between the hams and sent me off with a prescription for some painkillers. The next two days were spent laying on the couch and eating nothing but hydrocodone (how in the world did Rush Limbaugh manage to get addicted to this pussy drug? I ate about 20 pills in two days and have no desire at all for more of those… sweet… sweet… pills…).Three days after the surgery, my ass still looked pretty horrible:Image 4A week later, it looks amazingly normal. Outside of a bit of redness and a scar, it looks as decent as an anus can get (sorry, no picture – I’m saving that for my spread in Manhole magazine).Interestingly, when the little purple bump first appeared, I tried to do a Google search to find a picture of roids on the internet for some self-diagnosis, but was only able to find vague illustrations and mind-blowingly horrible pictures of massive hemorrhoids that make mine look like a pimple. So, I may be the first guy to put a picture of a "normal" roid on the Internet. I’m not the first one to post a picture of his ass on PoE, though – does anyone remember the name of the chubby site owner who bent over and spread in an attempt to blind us all?"