Monday, June 29, 2009

"Celebrity Deaths Eclipse Real News" No Shit Moron!

There are a lot of reasons why I disagree with this article. One of the reasons would be the absurdly obvious attempt to go against the norm. Sorry dear. You want everyone to be more concerned about Iran...

Then go talk about Iran moron. Why are you sitting there wasting my time BEMOANING ABOUT PEOPLE BEMOANING the death of a celebrity!!!!!!!!! Are there enough exclamation points after that line? !!!!!!!!!! I think there can not POSSIBLY be enough.
What a jackass this person is.

I can't say that I've sat there by the television tracking Michael Jackson’s autopsy reports or Farah Faucets (I have no clue how to spell her name) slow and painful death. I hadn't even paid attention to Ed McCann’s demise last Monday, but Billy Mays died yesterday and today I'm just fucking brokenhearted. Talk about breaking the camels back!

This is a man who made it to the top of his game, not by singing, not by acting, not by being a great sidekick/comedian no. This is a man who made it to the top for being really good at selling shit.

This means, this man, this ordinary giant bearded bear of a man worked hard his entire life and it paid off for him. He barely even had the chance to enjoy this "celebrity" status that he had achieved , something that he had not set out to achieve in the first place.

The only reason Billy Mays was a "star" was because he warmed our hearts with his exuberance and bubbling personality. I'm not the type of person who will buy things on TV easily, but Billy could easily have sold my children and I would love every minute of it. Of course, I don't actually have any children. I'm just sayin'. He could sell me dirty laundry instead of laundry detergent and I’d buy them. Billy Mays could sell me a bag of shit and tell me to place it on my lawn to keep gophers away and I would buy it.

Sorry Sulley, you just don’t have that kind of magic. Very few English people do. Mostly because you’re all evil and always trying to take over the world. Suffice it to say that I’m sad. It’s a cloudy day, my heart is loaded with bad news, one celebrity death after the next, the global economy is scary, our economic strength is scary, my economic strength is scary and I have to get rid of three cats because they’re pissing all over my fucking house.

I’m fucking BENT. Just bent. I’m angry, I’m hurting and I feel like a fucking failure. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FUCKING FAILURE and I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks or says or does. You’ve no idea what I feel like right now because even if you are a failure, even if you think you’re a failure too this is my world right now and you’re just along for the ride. It’s all about ME ME ME ME ME and I can do that GOD DAMN IT!

They make pills for everything nowadays. Hell, they make pills for made up disorders. Why can’t they make pills to make bad news go away? Why did Billy Mays have to go? Why him? Why my cats? Why me?

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